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[Complete] Summons of the Wizards' Council

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[Complete] Summons of the Wizards' Council

Postby j_dean80 » Wednesday August 9th, 2017 6:06pm

j_dean80 wrote:QUEST BOOK FOR THE WIZARD
Summons of the Wizards' Council

A Message From Mentor

Wizard, you have been summoned! Zanrath, the High Mage of Sarako, has ordered the Wizards' Council to his tower.

In a time, long ago, dark days were upon the Empire. It seemed the races of Dwarf, Elf, and Men were soon to be forgotten. Chaos was spreading everywhere. To combat this growing threat, a gathering took place. This was no ordinary gathering. The most powerful Wizards and Mages in all the Empire were in attendance. They debated and argued through many a week. A young Mage, little known of him, stepped forward and took command of this meeting. His name was Zanrath of Sarako. He was able to keep the sorcerers at peace long enough to forge a plan to stop this evil. Thus, the Wizards' Council was formed. For many years, this Council would prove to deter the Chaos advances. Through his guidance and strong leadership, Zanrath of Sarako, was anointed as the High Mage.

The Council has laid silent in recent years, but now, is being called forth once again. The Wizards and Mages of this Council will be travelling from all ends of the Empire. For Zanrath has some alarming news to discuss. Even I, Mentor, do not know his business. Travel quickly, but keep your eyes sharp; for you must travel alone, as this meeting is for Wizards only. Your companions will rejoin you at a later time. Go to Zanrath's tower high in the Tarak Mountains. Now, be on your way!

Mentor


So this is what I have so far. I feel it is a little short. Would appreciate suggestions.
Last edited by j_dean80 on Tuesday January 9th, 2018 12:08pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby clmckay » Wednesday August 9th, 2017 8:03pm

Yes...I like it. I think this is a very good intro.


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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby mitchiemasha » Thursday August 10th, 2017 7:16am

That would fit the page nicely.

Changes i'd consider...
"In a time, long ago,"
Very over used, which is my first thought when reading that line. Perhaps been hit with that instant negative makes the rest of the text read even better.

"For many years"
is mentioned twice. The second time it is in another paragraph so not as bad, hardly noticeable. I had to check for repeats non actually jumped out. I read somewhere that when writing we should word things that are of the same differently, unless an obvious deliberate intention. Like how you used 'gathering' twice in succession, which is good (I'm no English Major though, i'm quite poor at it). Which brings me to 'gather', by the time you use it as 'gather' it might be 1 times too many. We also have 'great leadership', 'great threat' and 'greatest wizards'. I'd keep 1 greatest and 1 great, try reword the other. At a higher level great isn't such a great word, they'd choose a more clever word but I like great, all ages understand it, it hits home, the toffs can keep their fancy words. See how many times i used great and word their, lol!

"argued through many".
I'm not sure about the 'through' but kind of like how it's different, works with the 'a week'.

Overall it's very good as it is. It would stand strong in a Quest pack and i'd want to read more, it would get my interest.


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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby mitchiemasha » Thursday August 10th, 2017 7:30am

I will add, I'm just nit picking, some food for thought. The text reads perfectly well as is.


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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby benvoliothefirst » Thursday August 10th, 2017 2:34pm

Following your work with great interest, jdean!


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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby knightkrawler » Thursday August 10th, 2017 3:29pm

Originally, it's Zanwrath, not Zanrath.
But you might have re-named him deliberately.
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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby j_dean80 » Thursday August 10th, 2017 5:49pm

knightkrawler wrote:Originally, it's Zanwrath, not Zanrath.
But you might have re-named him deliberately.


In my WoM Quest book it is Zanrath.
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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby j_dean80 » Thursday August 10th, 2017 8:33pm

Quest 1 (Running the Gauntlet):

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Last edited by j_dean80 on Sunday December 24th, 2017 12:28pm, edited 9 times in total.
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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby j_dean80 » Thursday August 10th, 2017 9:57pm

mitchiemasha wrote:That would fit the page nicely.

Changes i'd consider...
"In a time, long ago,"
Very over used, which is my first thought when reading that line. Perhaps been hit with that instant negative makes the rest of the text read even better.

"For many years"
is mentioned twice. The second time it is in another paragraph so not as bad, hardly noticeable. I had to check for repeats non actually jumped out. I read somewhere that when writing we should word things that are of the same differently, unless an obvious deliberate intention. Like how you used 'gathering' twice in succession, which is good (I'm no English Major though, i'm quite poor at it). Which brings me to 'gather', by the time you use it as 'gather' it might be 1 times too many. We also have 'great leadership', 'great threat' and 'greatest wizards'. I'd keep 1 greatest and 1 great, try reword the other. At a higher level great isn't such a great word, they'd choose a more clever word but I like great, all ages understand it, it hits home, the toffs can keep their fancy words. See how many times i used great and word their, lol!

"argued through many".
I'm not sure about the 'through' but kind of like how it's different, works with the 'a week'.

Overall it's very good as it is. It would stand strong in a Quest pack and i'd want to read more, it would get my interest.


I made some updates based on suggestions.
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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

Postby mitchiemasha » Friday August 11th, 2017 8:54am

"but now is being" is that correct? intentional?


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