Ye Olde Inn

I thought about calling this "Can you make KK squirt" as he had written a few times about different liquids coming through his nose when he reads something funny.

Post things that makes you smile.

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

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well it made me laugh!

For those across the pond,

Give an example of a religious hybrid.

pious prius

Yeah, that was horrible. And then there was that smartash answer I thought of when, in another thread, CP asked:

How can you tell a bookshelf without any books?

Ask it to explain its shelf.

Oh yeah.

*clap*
*clap*
*clap*
*clap*

sajungzak wrote:Yeah, that was horrible.

Indeed.

If a group of physicists take up piracy, do they make people walk the Planck's constant?

What time does Sean Connery wake up to watch Wimbledon? Tennish.

sajungzak wrote:Give an example of a religious hybrid.

A holy cow-man. Bart Simpson keeps mentioning it.

Signs
http://happyplace.someecards.com/cry-fo ... ns/?page=1

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.