EL FLESH

[ken]

"As they arrive, the steel door opens from the other side and a wraitlike creature floats in. Korisu sez it must be Michael Jackson". You know, I always felt that Grima Wormtongue was a re-incarnation of Jacko, am I alone in that feeling He certainly seems to crop up in some unlikely places

[el_flesh]

As we ascend the stairs, Ninja discovers that there is a statue in the center room.

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We all move to join him, and soon discover that there is a design to this higher tower…rooms jutting off with statues in each of them. Georgeous goes up to the central statue, bashing it. Beernut, who has been enjoying several overproof Jamaican Rum Cuba Libre takes three tries to get out this concept: “It’s just like bashing a REAL stone statue.” The game has hardly started, and we’re calling for yet another round of “*Rum and Cokes*”.
Georgeous next discovers a steel statue. So we have four statues, Metal, rock, bone and bronze.

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Korisu goes up to search the stone statue. The bone wizard, rolling against his mind, cannot tell if the doors have any magic. Rusty the ghost has found a portal on the other side of the doors.

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Zebs, who is played by Beernut tonight, waits at the stairs.
Ninja makes the best roll possible for reaction, which makes no difference anyways; he’d still be first even with a low roll. He bumps the wizard skel aside to see if he can get the door open. He manages to unlock them. Rusty realizes that going through the portal will utterly destroy him, and he will be unable to manifest himself again. I can tell that it will be safe for me.

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A close examination of the bone statue shows me that it is a fabricated Golem. Zebs comes up the steps to enter the room. The door starts to open when Korisu presses on it, but then closes again with some type of force. It is the same case for Sunshine. Georgeous sees the statue in front of him shimmering, but a push on it doesn’t do anything. He assumes they’re coming to life, and wants to attack it – but he realizes that attacking it will probably damage his weapon. He hits it again with his shield, and now all the statues are starting to move. Ninja still cannot get through the doors. The statue with an ax is moving. Ninja sprints to it. Georgeous hits the steel statue, which has come fully to life and is attacking us. It is not necessarily stunned by his successful bash, and the dents he inflicts on it might not be actual damage.

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Korisu hits the steel Golem, but the lightning backfires into him! It throws him backwards into pShaww giving him 1 bp of damage. (The statue rolled 2*6 for defense to the shock!) Korisu gets the delighted pShaww off him, and stands, ending his turn.
The 3 headed monster, made of stone, attax Ninja now. He blocks the dog head attack. The middle head blows.
Fire! Ninja’s body roll =2 dmg. Lord Boner, who was in range, is utterly destroyed with 5 dmg. Flesh dodges the flame fully. The doors are on fire. The demon head butts Ninja on his head. The bone Golem runs into the room, but he has used all of his actions. The stone statue retreats into the corner!

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Beernut makes Zebs attack the Golem – bone chips fly as he hits with 2 skulls.
Sunshine casts a buff, (although the range excludes the bone wizard, Georgeous and rusty the ghost,) which will add some attack and defense to everyone. She shoots into the body of the 3 head creature, but 3 skulls bounces off. Ninja chooses to attack the central neck, 4 skulls makes a deep incision that bleeds heavily, and his second slash removes its head. He goes for the demon head, which is merely scratched.

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Zebs attax the bone Golem, but it does not fall. Georgeous attax the metal statue again, denting it a lot. His stun bonus isn’t having any effect on metal automaton, but the metal is really cracking and falling apart.

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Now the doghead makes a vicious bite at Ninja and manages 2 dmg; our thief drips little patters of red crimson BLOOD. Luckily he is a martial artist; he ignores minor injuries that would have a lesser man trembling in the corner, cradling the appendage.

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Korisu next advances on the three headed creature. He scratches the Demon head; the resulting electric arc is what kills it. But the central head is already growing back! He hits again, but the lightning shock is returned to Korisu with ANOTHER double SIX roll for Beernut! The bone golem fails to damage Flesh with his hit, while korisu gets 2 dmg. Sunshine heals Ninja, but the steel statue is advancing on Sunshine now. She absorbs SIX damage, with 3 shields, having only two life left now. Flesh makes a flurry of slashes – it takes several, but the bone Golem falls. pShaww’s limp-wristed weak attack is countered, but it reduces him to 21 body points – (he has loads, so he can take a real pounding)! The Bone wizard casts a high level lightning, which arcs from the primary target to a second one. The statue’s metal is melting now.

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Ninja’s attack on the 3-headed beast’s body FAILS – 5 skulls vs 2shields. Georgeous thinx, therefore, that the heads must be slain first. Teeth and blood are oozing from the demon’s head. So for Ninja’s second attack, the 2 def against his 6 skulls makes it difficult for him to pull his blade back out, it is so deep! He hits the jaw, then the neck, cutting the demon head off utterly. Korisu finds that he can’t pull the heads off the model. So he looks for a boxcutter. 5 skulls on the dog head makes the 3 head creature fall. Ninja goes for the body, 6 skulls and 1 shield makes a bare scratch on it! Zebs, true to form, hides behind pShaww. Georgeous fails to kill the steel statue, which attax him in turn, giving him 8 dmg! Korisu is barley scratching it. Sunshine now heals HERSELF for a change, 2 body points becomes 8 again. Her arrow bounces of the bronze statue. Then 4 skull arrow stix in it, the 2 arrows that follow both bounce off. Bone Wizard raises 2 bone knights, which fail to bring down the steel statue. Flesh succeeds, dropping the steel statue at last. We run to the corner, ready to pick up the fight next time!

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[ken]

Some great action there, Flesh, "Korisu hits the steel Golem, but the lightning backfires into him! It throws him backwards into pShaww giving him 1 bp of damage. (The statue rolled 2*6 for defense to the shock!) Korisu gets the delighted pShaww off him" Is it true what they say about Oriental Ladies? No sign of any food, all the crew on Liquid Diets? Beernut running a Hero (sic) ? who is behind the screen?

[el_flesh]

Couldn't say; pShaww seems to follow the rule of "Don't ask don't tell."

[el_flesh]

Sadly, Ninja & Sunshine's computers crashed, and they aren't in this game. Down to Sea (corruption of "Dr. C_" logs on - peeking into the room, and dragging her tombstone along with her. Reaction time is alot easier without Ninja here to swamp us. Georgeous hits the bronze statue, but the attax don't work.

But

Flesh manages a few cuts on the three headed stone statue. Zebs causes some damage on the bronze statue. Korisu is attacking the stone 3 head and decapatates it. His lightning has no effect on it. But it rises again; with the heads growing outward.
It attax Korisu who now gets -1 body; he needs help or he will die. Zebs kills the bronze statue. Down to Sea does a spell on Korisu - healing him; which also reaches Flesh and Zebs too. Then she shoots an arrow straight into the dragon head. Georgeous attax ; the dragon head is now hanging by a single ligament.



Flesh stabs off the dog head, then the Dragon one is killed. Zebs is first next turn, he hits the body. Korisu attax it too. It is still moving around on the ground. Georgeous hits it, but it still isn't dead. Flesh uses his dagger flurry, his last hit finally killing it. The doors to the portal open - it is activated. Flesh releases all his summons, and we all step into the portal.
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Since there's only 1.5 hrs left, we instead play a game called "Zombie Survival"...
http://boardgamegeek.com/thread/625906/zombie-survival-how-the-world-ends-in-two-hours

[el_flesh]

PARENTAL ADVISORY: PLEASE KEEP KIDS WELL AWAY. RATED R for depiction of a Unicorn's ass, a Succubus(i.e. suck a bus) and a 'butterfly gun'.

The 'butterfly gun'. You want to know more, ask Georgeous.



We step out of the portal into an area that is clearly underground. My preternatural vision in the dark can see far to the end of the corridor, where a multiheaded guardian awaits. So Ninja starts - attacking the bleeding head, but failing to penetrate the rock skin. Another slash makes it bleed a little. His second double slash manages to hit the body, with the follow up removing a head.



Zebs is up next, but his attack fails, and so does Lord Boner's. Flesh is next, and all hits fail too. This rock skin is very tough with a natural defense! Korisu is about to begin, but a new player (my brother on a visit home from Australia, and dying for a chance at HQ) shows up as a Rogue Thief: Yucan Tseemi shows up in the portal!



He had been hired to retrieve a statuette having special anti-VD healing properties, yet in following our trail through the ruined castles, had found nothing worth keeping, as we had already plundered it all. Needless to say, he is feeling a little bit left out!
He runs up to us and asks for Whacky Tobbaccky, which Korisu, half drunk anyway, doesn't understand. "You wanto Whackku Offu? Nan deto?"
he then attax the creature, utterly FAILING to hit it.
YCTM asks Korisu to doodle him a unicorn with rainbows. Korisu sez the unicorn must be part of the story, and so will eat a zombie. Here it is before:



and after:



Yes, little Johnny, THAT'S where rainbows come from! No, you will not soon be able to forget. Trust us. We already tried.

Ninja attax the Australian head (the one Korisu made speak in an Australian accent, of course!) - but he gets countered. Seven attack sequences later, 3 bp of damage bleeds thru his 3 shields and he must body check for stun effect! This is one tough customer! I imagine this creature to be very like the armed snakes in the HELL levels of original Diablo! Georgeous and Korisu both fail. Boner is attacked but manages to defend with his massive scythe. Zebs now makes a massive attack; 10 skulls gets past the 5 autodefense with 5 hits; then 7 skulls cuts even deeper into the body, but his last roll of 5 cannot get past the autodef. Yucan Tseemi makes a serious miss while asking if anyone has even Opiates, then...and collects significant damage on the counter!
Ninja stabs the body, and the entire thing collapses onto the floor, breaking into pieces; but there is NO spirit renewal for Flesh; who is low on physical body and has half spirit power - not enough to raise any major chylde!



He cannot heal drinking a potion - he has no stomach left to use it! He cut the whole rotting mess of entrails out of himself before stepping in the portal; leaving it behind for the rats. Thinking Georgeous would be better off noticing the distinct lack of gut to noticing the distinct odor that would compete on a par with Zebs'.
Ninja opens the door.
We find a very large creature, and behind him... on the throne...

MENTAL!




We don't know what he is doing there. Zebs rolls the die and runs away, back down the hall (big suprise there).





The fast-tempered Gerogeous charges the Chaos Demon, and lands a 5 skull attack, which is not stunnable to something as tiny as Georgeous. PTANNNGGG goes his hit!
Mental speaks : "Whoa, Whoa, WHOA - Don't attack!"
Korisu runs in and attax the Chaos DEMON , coming up all skulls! PING!!



Mental commands his servant GRIMSTOLL, to move aside, which the Chaos Demon does. He greets us and welcomes us, thanking us for growing in power. But he absolutely requires us to now surrender to him; for he needs our life forces desperately. There is a great growing evil, far more powerful than anything we have faced here. It exists in another realm, but the doorway between our 'dimension' (a word only I, El Flesh can understand), is growing thinner and thinner. Mental needs to imbue and combine our powers so that he can fight the creature directly. He can only harvest powers/talents given to him willingly.

Yes, friends, neighbors, and frienemies, the Bitch King (Beernut version) is none other than MENTAL himself - and the best villain of all is one that is morally ambiguous! If we opt NOT to lay down and die - are not we the ones who are being selfishly evil?

Silently, each of us, unmoving, regards Mental.

Nobody is lying down.

Not even Zebs.

Ninja misses his first slash at the Chaos Demon, but the second one scratches him twice; and he notices it, making a large gash on his leg. he moves back into place. We feel, more than hear, his scream. Beernut sez "It's like watching a guy deliberately impale his right hand on sharp spikes."



The gash in its armor and leg is deep, bleeding darkly. It tries to defend, but the knife of Ninja goes up into its guts. He deftly jumps up on the collapsed leg, stabbing into its neck - it drops.
Mental is totally shocked with this death, the 25 spirit points flowing into my body, healing all my physical damage and restoring my spirit potential to full - with some excess going into my version of XP. (Beernut laughs, showing us the lousy rolls that utterly failed against the better-than-average rolls of Ninja).



Mental insults us for killing the Chaos Demon. (as Beernut didn't have any insults to actually say at the spur of the moment, Korisu obliged:
"I have a BIG cock-as you will soon find out!"
"Did he say Caucas? Are we having a meeting?"
"NO....no; I said 'COCK...AS'..."
"Is there someone white coming to see us? Like a Caucas-ian or something?")

Several minutes later, the turn continues: Mental seems to inflate, growing into a DRAGON LICH.



Ninja tries to hide in plain sight. He hears laughing in his head. All of his attax fail. His special Dagger of Exxxtension bounces off. We realize that some kind of force field surround the DracoLich, also that it can be weakened. Georgeous pierces the shield, his last hit going thru - but he feels pushed back from it. Zebs, utterly suprisingly, rolls a RUN AWAY again. Korisu hits with 22 lightning and 6 skulls; we all must roll a body check; the shield has been entirely torn apart by Korisu's lightning sword. The detonation of it blows (heh) UCTM down the stairs onto the lower floor; he gets to roll a normal def against the falling dmg. Ninja gets 6 skulls out of the 6 dice he rolled = 3 falling dmg! Boner is fully blown (heh) down onto his back ont he lower floor, but receives no dmg. Flesh & Georgeous are the only ones left on the upper floor, standing. Flesh is able to raise the wizard on the energy of the dying Chaos Demon alone! The Wizard in turn raises two bone knights, which each cast hi lightning - but none of it gets thru to the DracoLic!!! Flesh causes 1 dmg with seven slashes using his Phylactic Slayer - it is something, at least - proving the DracoLich isn't invulnerable.



Beernut rolls to determine his victim; Mental decides to go for the least threat - UCTM is bitten; it seems the DracoLich can see him perfectly fine. 5 dmg. Ninja's 6 skulls bounces off! But his next three attax breaks some bones - we hear the hypersonic scream again! He causes a little more bone shrapnel. Korisu KIAIs - 3 skulls fail, however. Another swing misses with 4 skulls. Georgeous causes a lightning storm, bringing the DracoLich down - by ONE bp only! 5 skull attack does nothing! Next 7 skull makes only some bone chips fly. Hi lightning from the Bone Wizard FAILS,a s does all minion attax. Flesh now makes a flurry again, giving only one more dmg in all the attax. For the second time, YCTM is attacked, bringing him down to 3 life left, and only 4 spirit. (Values in Beernuts game are higher, but so is potential dmg.)
The game is to end here so we can go see "Ultimate" Fighting.
But we decide to finish off this DracoLich instead! Ninja makes 8 and then 7 skulls - so some dmg gets thru. Georgeous FAILS all attax. UCTM manages to hide in plain sight! (Ninja accuses him of hacking, but he replies "I made a cloud of Whacky Tobbaccky smoke! YOU CAN TSEE MEEE!") he attax, making a scratch. Ninja explains that with all this uniq gear, he has whored himself out to all of us. Of course, none of us can beat his initiative rolls, nor his gargantuan amount of action per turn. The only item he did NOT find on his own that he covets is Korisu's booties of sprinting; which turn normal 1-square walking into 3-square sprinting!
El Flesh gives 4 potions to UCTM - 2* 6BP healing, and 2* 4Chi restore. I have been carrying them in case my LIVING companions need them; because I sure can't use them!
All of my attax fail up to the second to last - which turns up ALL SKULLS.
3 dmg bleed thru finishes it off. 25 spirit points goes directly to my version of XP.



The treasure searches will be Ninja's fun next time.

[ken]

I like the new Mezzanine, Flesh, "The 'butterfly gun'. You want to know more, ask Georgeous" Come on, spit it out, I thought you said no firearms. Can I keep Juan Sheet now?

[el_flesh]

I think the butterfly gun i.e., a gun that shoots butterflies, which if you look closely, actually doubles as a CASTLE (and floating somehow), was drawn as a weapon you wouldn't want to counter zombies with...

The ammo is drawn next to it. One shell contains 2 billion butterflies. They exit the cylinder at some gargantuan rate. Next to it is another shell containing hornets - somewhat more nasty than butterflies.

Even when engaged in drunk whimsy, Georgeous can sure still draw!

[ken]

I think the butterfly gun i.e., a gun that shoots butterflies, which if you look closely, actually doubles as a CASTLE (and floating somehow), was drawn as a weapon you wouldn't want to counter zombies with...

The ammo is drawn next to it. One shell contains 2 billion butterflies. They exit the cylinder at some gargantuan rate. Next to it is another shell containing hornets - somewhat more nasty than butterflies.

Even when engaged in drunk whimsy, Georgeous can sure still draw!

Sounds a bit like WMD. Dont tell certain Politicians.

[Sjeng]

Yes, little Johnny, THAT'S where rainbows come from! No, you will not soon be able to forget. Trust us. We already tried.

THAT.... will stay with me for eternity, and I thank you for it. I lol'd so hard. I want a miniature of one of those. xD God, that's epic.